Really, do I have to do this? Do I have to write a post on a blog no one ever reads about this? Really? (Bonnie voice)
As some of you may know, Juice and I got wasted last night where hipsters with track bikes go to drink and be merry, Sputnik. Bar closes at 2am, we manage to stay in the bar in all our near blacked out glory for another hour or so. Three am rolls around and the fire begins to fizzle, time to go home!
“Lets be safe,” we say “lets take a cab.”
“Ha! Fat chance!” The world says.
We wait until FIVE AM! Five in the fucking morning for a cab that would never come. Really? We had two empty cabs blow by us (that I can remember seeing- c’mon, I was nearly blacked out) and another actually stop and then take off when I went for my bike. We even called for a cab! I bet that was one of the ones that blew us off.
Why, is my question. Is it really worse than a couple of suitcases? Do they assume they wont fit? Are we cyclists branded as terrible tippers? BULLSHIT! FUCKING BULLSHIT!
Justin already had his broken down, ready to toss in the trunk! We’re great tippers and nice people! What the fuck!? I even went up to a cab that was picking up a fare from across the street and explained our predicament- he even called a friend. Was he just humoring me?
We finally gave up after almost sleeping on the curb and rode home incredibly slowly to birds chirping at that big blue thing. It was a big night for drunks and cabs.
EDIT, can’t forget the…
SHOUT OUTS: Jane Keating for driving to drink with me from Chicago and maybe get molested, Josh for making me wonderful vegan deliciousness at bar close, singing to The Misfits, and shotgunning two beers in a row because I made him, The Bossoms for taking terrible photos of me wasted and being my favorite internet socialites I just met off the internet, and anyone who dealt with me drunk crying last night- I love all of you!
I also just read on their blog that they’re upgrading the print versions of the magazine. Now they will sport color covers, real binding and begin international shipping! I can’t wait to see the next issue! I’m sure Brad will be sending some our way when they’re out, right Brad?
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I posted some photos from FM Magazine’s Office Party last Saturday on my personal Flickr. If you missed it you should learn your lesson and never do it again. Dancing, babes in scarfs and pencil skirts, jungle juice in the water cooler, people in drag, people half naked, art, free pink pens, boys in suits and fancy hats… What joy! Happy birthday to my fellow midget and editor of FM, Tuyet! We love you lady!
Go to The Skinny Squirrel and you will be greeted by these lovely two dancing maniacs!
Phil and Carla Carlson!
BABES!
Tony Farfalla (editor of FM Magazine), Sam Turner (metalhead and artist extraordinaire), and dude with sweet hat.
Keep yer eye balls peeled for this one. The poor little lady emailed us about this to help spread the word. Give her a call if you find it or see someone riding it. Phil (of Track Attack) found a stolen super expensive mountain bike last week. The kid couldn’t control the bike, endoed and dropped his chain. Phil pulled out his iPhone, looked up the Craigslist ad about the bike and showed it to the kid. He gave the generic “I bought it off some guy for $50, I didn’t know!” cry, Phil gave him the fifty for the bike and handed it off to it’s proper owner later that day. Now wouldn’t that just make you feel all tingly inside? Help this lady out…
TEXT FROM HEATHER:
my bike got stolen sunday june 22nd, from a signpost at eleventh and sherman. the motherfuckers took the time to rock that pole out of the ground and take my bike with the u-lock still attached.
keep your eyes peeled for a black miyata one ten with red deep vs, iro cranks and a fizik seat. i’m sure its long gone and stripped for parts, but if you happen to know or hear of someone in the denver area that has done this, just tell them to take my bike back to the whole foods at eleventh and ogden. if they bring it back they can stop fearing the wrath they will feel if me or any of my friends out looking for my bike find it….or them.
To June 27th Track Attack has moved this month! Same place, same time, same ruckus. This time we will caravan to The Satellite Bar at 308 E. Colfax for the Bootleg Sessions V.2 premiere! They have cheap beer and rad bartenders, so come!
EDIT: I can’t really explain S-Sprints because even I don’t know what they are! All I do know is they will be spectacular. C’mon, is Track Attack ever not fun? I’m sure it’s going to be better than whatever you’d be doing in the Springs.
It’s nothing new to you few dedicated regulars, but is the cold, hard truth. This blog sucks. I just don’t care enough to go to every fixie/street culture/art fag blog and report back about it. That’s what wonderful little cupcakes like TrackosaurusRex.com, Joy Engine and Hipster Nascar are for! I hate being redundant. Well unless it’s kick ass and about a friend, then I don’t give a fuck.
So what kind of a blog is Cycle Jerks, you may ask?
We report on the sweet shit that happens in the Denver area, you fools!
…And put together little videos when we feel like it. So quit yo whinin’ child!
Keep an eye out though, we will be holding a Monster Track (a Play In Traffic Production) and maybe Bootleg Sessions V2 viewing in the near future. We are working out the kinks with the kids at Track Attack, but it will probably have some trick contests and sprints to go with it. Something like that…
This is more of what our bike wash episode should have been like! Too bad it was 45 degrees out when we filmed. Well, I guess we’ll just have to make another one, and this time in thongs.
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